All I'm Saying there's a joke in here somewhere

Freya and I have been busy with my friends the last couple of weekends. I had a friend down from Alaska last week and we were hanging out with her and some other friends and their kids last weekend, and we went to a birthday party yesterday for another friend's son last night.

It's been a growth exercise for both Freya and I because I really want to be able to visit with my friends while I get the chance, and because Freya usually wants me to play with her in new situations and environments the entire time. The two activities are generally mutually-exclusive because Freya wants to go check out the other kids' toys and games, and that's not where my friends tend to be gathered. And because she's one of the youngest kids in the group, the other kids' rough-housing and more physical play tends to put her off group activities. So she wants Mommy to play with her.

I've started trying to get her to detach more--she can sit on my lap and hang out while I'm chatting with my friends, and I'll take her over to check out the toys and things one or two times, but then she's on her own if she wants to go play. I'm finding the more I hover, the less likely she is to go play with the other kids or on her own. It's tough--she seems to want me to hover, but it is counterproductive to getting her to play without me.

She actually did great at the party yesterday. After the first 40 minutes or so, I looked around and remarked, "I don't see my little barnacle anywhere!" and I found her playing independently in one of the toy areas. She was getting comfortable and checking out some new stuff. A little later I took her to play outside, but was able to sit and visit on the patio while she played alone on one of those air-filled bouncers. The other kids came out and played on it, which scares her with their liveliness, so she got down and then started playing with one of the four year old girls there!

That's major progress. She was in and out of the house while I was outside, and would go 10 minutes at a stretch without coming out to check on me or show me something.

I'll bet this all seems kind of silly to those of you with more than one kid--I know kids with siblings get adjusted to other kids and more physical play a lot more quickly. She gets lots of group activity at school, but that's a more contained environment. This other stuff is really good for her, but boy, is it ever a growth opportunity for us both!

I was reading a work report yesterday (not a very professional one, mind you) and the author used the phrase, "feculant accusations," and I thought to myself, "Feculant? Does that mean what I think it means?"

And sure enough, Dictionary.com defines it as "full of dregs or fecal matter; foul, turbid or muddy."

Is that not the greatest word of all?

How was your day today, dear?
Feculent.

Cleaning outhouses was the most feculent job I've ever had.

Take your feculant opinions and get the hell out of here.

Think of the uses for this wonderful adjective! It is the most unfeculant word I have ever heard. Ironically.

I just checked in on my site stats at Statcounter. Every now and then, it is worth mentioning some of the searches that led people here. For example:

1) I'm not saying I wouldn't go fishing with the man, all I'm saying is if he comes near me I'll put him in the wall... Uh, okay. Is this a quote from something, or is it merely a heart-felt sentiment that was worth Googling?

2) The little baby that got token from the dingo Was it a subway token? Or wait...you didn't mean "taken" do you? This all stems from the fact that I'm just about the number one hit site for the tragically defunct radio show, "Dingo Boy." Gosh-a-rooty, that was a funny one. I get all the dingo keyword hits.

3) Could rats be living in my arborvitae bush? They certainly could be. In fact, I'd make them as comfortable as possible there so they don't invade your house. You could get some of those little ferret hammocks to spruce up the bush a bit, make it more homey, you know?

4) Puff the magic dragon frolicking place donnelly Do you mean Donnelly, Idaho, or do you mean "Honah-Lee," which is the place where the song says Puff actually frolicked? I'm concerned this might be some kind of rural Idaho daycare, or perhaps a hot springs festival involving lots of marijuana.

Anyway, you people are nuts. For those of you with your own sites, tell me what weird keyword combination leads people to you?

We went to the Western Idaho Fair with Freya this morning. (Last year we went with Malia--hard to believe it has been a year!)

We went and toured the cattle and horse barns, but Freya was not in the best of moods and so we didn't press our luck into the sheep/goats, pigs and poultry/rabbits sections. Instead we went over to the Expo building and wandered amongst the vendors and political booths. I picked up an Obama car magnet, and I'm guessing it will have disappeared off my car by the end of this week. I have my doubts that it will remain. We also signed up to get an Obama yard sign and one for the US HoR seat that will be filled this fall. Democrats, all. Then I got Freya an "I Heart Planned Parenthood" fan and paraded her past the pro-life booth. Actually I didn't parade her at all, but the (very young--seriously, couldn't be more than 16) women in the booth started to call my attention over toward them and I heard one gasp in horror, "The baby has a Planned Parenthood sign!" Yes, young ladies, my baby is wandering around with her parents' opinions. Just like you are. I hope they all grow up and develop their own.

Anyhoo, Freya was getting pissed and clamoring for a carousel ride, and so we scarfed a quick lunch and took her on it. She had a ball, but was definitely eyeing the larger rides and she's nowhere near the height of the "You Must be This Tall" signs yet. Maybe next year.

Can you believe I didn't eat anything fried? I really wanted a funnel cake, but I ran out of money first. Obama better win the election or he owes me a funnel cake...

I thought I sang pretty well in the car, in the shower, and especially after a couple glasses of wine. But you know what? I sound So Damn Good when I can't even hear myself singing because I've got the earbuds in and I'm just picking up a little bit of vibration effect out of my chest area.

Wow. I should always sing this way. Unless of course, anyone else is around to hear. Because I probably sound exponentially worse to them when they can't even hear the music I am singing to.

One quick question because I'm a doorknob: I've got it in the armband thingy. What do I do with the extra headphone cord? Wrap it around my neck? Somehow twine it up in the armband? Help.

Back when I got that iPod for my friend with cancer*, I realized that I really wanted an MP3 player. I still can't quite define what I want one for, other than because I can really tune out the person I refer to as Chatty McYapperson while working out. And there's huge charm in being able to put 12,000 songs onto something that will play them for you. Huge.

But I hate how...proprietary...iPods seem to be. I know it's good business sense to build that into your product, but the whole thing smacks of being monopolized to me. So I ordered a 4GB Zune off of Amazon. I like that it takes simple MP3 files--nothing fancy. I'm also intrigued by their Zune store, where you can pay $15/month for unlimited downloads. The only downside is that you lose the music if you quit paying the money. I should probably look into eMusic again, I suppose. Still $15/month, somewhat less selection, but you get to keep the tunes.

Anyone have any recommendations or inputs?

Also, if you want to see the cutest thing on YouTube, check this out:

*My friend is now cancer-free and just started her reconstruction surgeries today.

Just in case you have given birth in the last 3 years in the United States, you might consider taking the following survey. From their website:

For years, consumers have enthusiastically shared online reviews of movies, restaurants, products and services, but readily available information about maternity care services was nearly unattainable—but no longer. The Coalition for Improving Maternity Services (CIMS) has developed www.TheBirthSurvey.com, a consumer feedback website where women provide information about the maternity care they received from specific doctors, midwives, hospitals, and birth centers. Families choosing where and with whom to birth can utilize this consumer feedback, along with data on hospital and birth center standard practices and intervention rates, to make more informed health care choices.

If so, take The Birth Survey and provide feedback on your doctor, midwife, birth center or hospital at The Birth Survey.

I went ahead and did it because there is a ton of things to learn during your pregnancy, and I found that shared information was generally the most reliable. I felt like I could get opinions from people who had been there and who weren't necessarily influenced by marketing. This survey will provide similar information, and the more people who take it, the better and more broad-spectrum the information will be. Go on! Take it! Be cool like me.

We got back from our trip to Wisconsin this morning. We had a very early flight, and had to wake up at (get this) ten minutes to three a.m., Idaho time. That sucks unbelievably. In fact, Freya and I just woke up from a nap--her second of the day.

It was a good trip, though like a friend mentioned, it was a trip and not really a vacation. We don't vacation all that often, actually. Must work on that. Freya was a huge hit with the relatives. While they'd seen her before, it wasn't since she was 10 months old and she's quite a bit different now. She brought the house down with her version of "Morning Train" one afternoon as the family bbq'ed at the lake Matt's sister lives next to. I'll post the video as soon as I get it uploaded.

I also got to have lunch with some of my iVillager girlfriends, which was totally great because I took off all by myself in the rental car for most of the day and drove to the Chicago suburbs and met them at a mall. I didn't really even get lost, which is perhaps the most spectacular thing of all. I am a strong, independent woman, and yet I get utterly discombobulated in large cities.

Anyway, I hope to get some great pictures and video up to share with you all soon. Thanks for taking it easy around here--I notice no one got too rowdy and I won't have to get the carpets cleaned.

We are here safe and sound, and were lucky to have a very smooth trip. Freya was her usual champion self on the flight.

We're headed to the Milwaukee County Zoo tomorrow, which should be a lot of fun, especially for Freya. When you're used to the Boise Zoo, anything more is pretty danged spectacular. We've pretty much got plans for every other day we're here, so the trip should go quickly.

In other news, I had e-mail saying that a long-shot job I'd put in for is not going to happen for me. They didn't find me qualified, which is fine. I love my current job and co-workers. The only thing that irks me is that is just incredibly hard to demonstrate that you are qualified for a job when you only get a 3000 character narrative to describe your work experience. I realize that may seem like a huge number of letters and spaces and punctuation marks, but I'm afraid my workplace culture is not like the private sector where you are concise and still thorough. I guess I'll have to work on that if I ever want to get another job; and since I don't really have much interest in another job, I may not learn the skill for a while yet.

I'm going to be away from the computer for a few days at a glamorous, undisclosed location...oh, the hell with it. I'm going to Wisconsin.

We'll be back in a few days, but in the meantime, behave yourselves around here. I don't want to come home and find out you've taken over the comments section.

*What famous guide book contains that very key advice? Start your comment section take-over by posting the answer.

Dear Freya,

You are now officially two and a half years old, and there have been plenty of times where, in the manner of an exhausted long distance runner, I have reminded myself, "Halfway to three...halfway to three." Your twos haven't been that terrible, but they've been pretty doggone spotty at times.

I think being a toddler must be like being a teenager: you've got so much going on with changes inside you and you have no control over them, and sometimes you just have to lose it for a while in order to get back on track. That said, I'm really looking forward to your development in years four through nine-ish.

Your dad went to the Montessori school with you this week and taught the kids about animal hides. The school has been having animal units each week, so one week was reptiles, one birds, etc. This week was mammals, and so your game warden dad showed up and you got to help him show your friends a bunch of animal skins. It was a hit! You played Vanna to his Pat, and would take each hide to show the friends. Here you are showing them what you call the, "Pee-yew Stunk":

Your best friend at school is a little girl named Sienna, and despite the fact that there were eight or ten other kids in the group, you'd take each hide straight to Sienna to show her, and when she'd got her eye-full, you'd take it back to Dad and reach for the next thing to show your best pal. It was cute, but Daddy got you back on track and you showed each of the kids each of the animals.

You were extremely proud that you and your dad were teaching your friends some pretty cool stuff.

In other news, you're trying to learn to write your letters now. You can usually manage an F and an E, but we've got a ways to go on the rest of the alphabet. You also like to start drawing lines on paper and you'll tell use, "I'm makin' a map of the city!"

You're quite a kid, Little Toot.

All my love,
Mommy

As I was on my way home from the dermatologist yesterday, I got to thinking: I go there once a year for a mole check, I go to the dentist twice a year for regular checkups, I have my annual exam with the gynecologist, I go to the optometrist for my eye exam, I get a physical every year with bloodwork (as necessary), and I go to the doctor whenever I need to for things like infections or whatever. That probably puts me somewhere in the top 1 or 2% of the world's population in terms of access to affordable medical care.

Then I found this article on a message board I frequent. And now I know how lucky I am. Keep in mind this talks entirely about people living here in the good ol' U.S. of A.

Fowler has made the hourlong journey from her home in Cleveland, Va., to the small town of Wise to take advantage of a huge annual medical and dental expedition set up by Remote Area Medical, a nonprofit organization that provides basic medical and dental care to people in the world's most inaccessible regions. This year, more than 1,800 volunteer doctors, dentists, nurses and assistants descended on the small town near the Kentucky border, setting up enormous field-hospital-style tents in which they saw roughly 2,500 patients over the course of two and a half days in late July. The Wise operation is coordinated locally by a team of nurses with the Health Wagon, a tiny health-care outreach program.

When she got her lower teeth out, volunteer dentists told Fowler that she had a few that could be saved, but she begged them to take every single one. "I said, 'Do it now while I'm here so that a week from now, after you're all gone, I don't have an infected tooth'," she remembers.

I can't imagine what that is like. I mean, I roll out to the dentist if I have a piece of food stuck in my teeth that I can't floss out. And then I bitch about having to pay $75 for a 3 minute visit. But you know, I can pay it.

I didn't intend to get political in this post, but maybe it is way past time for a nationalized health care program.

I had just pulled up to my dermatologist's office today and was standing outside my car getting all my shit together when I heard a squeal and a thud. I turned and looked to my left, and suddenly the office had grown a silver Mercedes dangling off its side.

It looked like the driver had jumped the curb and the car ran smack into the building. I ran up to the side and an elderly woman was opening the passenger door. Both she and the driver, a very elderly man, were fine and he was profusely apologizing to me, of all people. He said, "I am so, so sorry. But I must have hit the gas pedal instead of the brake." I assured him he didn't have to apologize to me. About this time, two nurses came running out of the building and took over the scene.

When I came out of my appointment, the elderly folks were nowhere to be seen, but the Mercedes was parked nicely at the curb. There was a scratch about 6 inches long on the front bumper. I'm guessing bumper replacement was in its future, as it's probably impossible to mend that. The building, however? It didn't do quite so well. There was about a 3' diameter section that was totally mangled, and had been pushed in about 6 inches. It looked a hell of a lot worse than the Mercedes. (Which was a lovely, large, silver sedan, in case you were wondering.)

I need me one-a those, I think.

None of this is to say that I don't feel terrible for the elderly driver. You know that somewhere tonight, he's getting the, "Dad, it's time you gave up driving" speech.

Freya had her hair cut today. My hair stylist says it has only been 6 weeks since she cut Freya's hair. I can hardly believe that, considering what a shaggy beast she's turned into. On the other hand, if hair growth is any indication of how doggone much she's been eating lately, I'm lucky she's not being called Sasquatch Toddler.

Before haircut:

And after:

Pretty danged cute either way, I think.

My friend Jona sent me this link--I have no idea where she got it, but I'm afraid I may have to pull her out of a revival tent one of these days.

Armor of God PJs

Comes complete with:
Pajama top with breastplate of righteousness and belt of truth hem.
Pajama pants with wings of peace to cover feet.
Helmet of salvation.
Shield of faith pillow.
Sword of the spirit (New Testament).
Activity coloring book.

I'd be glad those wings of peace were there to cover my feet. I understand Satan often infiltrates through the feet. Especially if you have walked in sin and just couldn't scrape it all off.

You know, I can respect faith, to a certain point. But I think this particular faith has gone way past that into the area of serious emotional problems.

What I Did Do This Weekend:
Babysat a friend's four year-old (Freya's best friend)
Went to the farm stand
Made a batch of strawberry freezer jam (my second batch this summer)
Put a bunch of Freya's Hanna Andersson clothes online for sale
Petted a camel
Bought my dad dinner
Went to a small town street fair (this and the above two were simultaneous, almost)
Went to yoga class
Grocery shopped
Had a picnic with the family along the Boise River
Got my Christmas shopping started

What I Didn't Do:
Vacuum
Water the house plants
Kept Freya from watching at least 20 episodes of Peep