My little brother's wedding was last night, and I survived the family encounter. In fact, I made it through with flying colors, I'm proud to report.

I will say that going out at the last minute and buying a new dress and heels didn't hurt my confidence any. I added in some deep breathing exercise, visualization of my control thermometer dropping, and repeating, "I am strong, and I am peaceful," before going in. I really wanted to convey those two attributes, in that I didn't care to be confrontational, but I wasn't intending to give the impression that I was at all vulnerable to any silliness.

When Matt and I arrived, we made a bee-line for my dad and his fiancee', and my uncle and eldest brother were right there too. I was surrounded and supported by my peeps. The first person to approach us was my mother's new husband, who I hadn't met before. He introduced himself, and I was pleasant, but frosty. The next person up was my elder sister, who I haven't seen in nearly 14 years. I gave her a huge smile and greeting with a hug--I bear her no bad feelings, and I think she's probably just the other side of the same coin, in regard to how we were trapped in a religion by part of our family, and it's just that I had a better support network than she did in leaving. I think she'd really like to have an entirely different life, but isn't able to go out and get it. She and I visited for a bit, and I introduced she and Matt for the first time.

Next up was my niece, who you may recall is someone I was spectacularly close to until I left the Witnesses when she was nearly four. Leaving her just about broke my heart. She's now seventeen, and I was finally able to see her again and talk to her briefly. She seemed a little bit afraid of me; after all, I'm sure I've been labeled a horrible person (by her father) and talked badly about for the last 14 years. I hope that she was able to see that I didn't seem like a scary Jezebel type.

Then came my mother. She wrapped me up in a big old hug and said, "I never want to let you go." I smiled politely...and then I let her go.

Sadly, there's a huge difference between how she feels and how she's able to behave. So while she probably does have a lot in her heart for me, she can't manifest that in a way that is at all healthy for me to experience. I know she has a really hard time understanding that. She and my sister asked where Freya was, and I said she was at home with her babysitter. My mother said that she really hoped to meet her someday, and I simply replied, "Maybe someday." And maybe not.

We left after the ceremony, reception line and appetizers. By that time, I felt like I'd performed enough, and was ready to get back home. All in all, it was very stressful, but I found that I was able to manage the situation and manage my emotions adequately.

That's a pretty valuable lesson, because I've got a strong feeling that I haven't seen the end of this chapter yet. I know my mother well enough to know that she will be like a moth at the back-porch light, and she'll come around banging her head against the same old walls again...

Again, thanks to all of you for your support. Not only did it help to know I had your support, but you all really did peel me off the ceiling during my panic of a week or so ago.