All I'm Saying there's a joke in here somewhere

My Facebook world just grew a little narrower: I got a friend request from my 10 year-old nephew. So much for my gory updates.

On the other hand, his parents let him watch R-rated movies, so I can't be THAT bad, can I?

A week or so ago, I had some friends coming over and wanted to have an entree to serve them. I decided to make spring rolls, but we were out of rice paper to wrap them in. I didn't have time to drive across town to the Co-op, where we usually get our specialty food. I figured I'd just stop at one of the Asian markets along my route home.

I hadn't been in to this particular one before. There's another one near our regular grocery store that I've stopped at a few times when I needed a particular ingredient, but I never feel very welcome there. So I was thrilled when I got to this place, Thana's World Market, on Overland.

It's a large-ish, clean, well-lit store (about twice the size of your average convenience store). The folks there are really helpful, and they seem to just like visiting with their customers. They have a pretty wide array of items, particularly the mainstream Asian stuff like rice noodles, soy sauce, etc. But then they get into Halal meats, strange fruits and dried fishes, a few things that I identify with the Caribbean islands, and a few Mexican staples like hominy.

On my first trip there, I grabbed 2 packages of spring roll paper, 2 packages of rice noodles, 2 cans of coconut milk, and a huge package of mint. My total was $6. I exclaimed to the lady running the cash register (who I think is the daughter of the owner) how inexpensive it was there, and she said they can buy their stock in large quantities, whereas the grocery stores and the Co-op usually buy fewer items, and so their cost is higher. I told her I'd definitely be back.

I stopped by there with Freya after work tonight, and we had a great time wandering the aisles. We got satay sauce, some rainbow-colored tapioca (Freya has fantasies of me doing something dessert-like with it), tons of coconut milk, a few cans of curry paste, some shrimp crackers (yum!), a few kids treat items, and a 50 lb. bag of jasmine rice. I wasn't even aware it was 50 lbs., and both the cashier and her father (who carried the bag to the car for me) remarked that we must eat a lot of rice. At that point, I was afraid to admit that I didn't realize that it really was a LOT of rice, so I just agreed that we sure did.

But get this: a 30 lb. bag of jasmine rice fetches $30 at CostCo and that's a pretty good deal. However, this 50 lb. bag was a mere $40. I don't know if you've priced rice lately, but that's a SCREAMIN' deal. Which is good, because this website has motivated me to start cooking a lot of Cuban dishes lately, like Arroz Imperial, Coconut Chicken, and Montuno. I'm also going to master coconut rice pudding.

Now I can't wait to check out the Mexican market over on Orchard Street. Seriously, I cannot believe how good the prices are at Thana's, and I'll bet it's the same deal at the other ethnic markets. Check one out near you!

It has just come to my attention (via Facebook), that there is a movement afoot to attempt to prove a radical Muslim right when he says that:

"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes," Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Sedighi is Tehran's acting Friday prayer leader.

So dressing immodestly causes earthquakes. Now, the movement is going to try to find a statistical basis for this theory. Blaghag proposes that we women dress in something immodest (and by Iranian standards, that could be damn near anything in my closet) to see if we can trigger an earthquake.

Are you with me on this? I'm trying to think what I have to wear that is particularly cleavage-showing (and to any of you nay-sayers who doubt the ability of my cleavage, I'll have you know that pregnancy, etc. has given me a C-cup, so there), and it's looking like I may actually end up wearing a dress.

That should be good when my coworkers do a double-take tomorrow morning and ask what's with the dress. I'll just tell them, "I'm trying to start an earthquake."

We just made reservations at a Forest Service guard station in northeastern Oregon for a few days in August that Freya will be out of school. Did you know you could do that?

A lot of the old Forest Service guard stations and lookouts are on a rental program. In fact, many of them would have been torn down years ago, were it not for the ability to rent them to the public. The fees from the reservations go directly back into improving the cabin and keeping it in good condition.

They range anywhere from being VERY rustic (i.e., you go to the bathroom in an outhouse and have to pack in your own water), to being a full-on lodge sort of thing, where there is hot & cold running water, electricity, a wood stove, fridge, etc. They usually sleep between 4-8 people, and fees run on average between $40-80/night, depending on what amenities are there.

In my opinion, it's a great way to check an area out, particularly if you don't have an RV and don't want to risk a miserable night or two in a tent. Which is not to say that I am frequently miserable in tents--not at all--but that it's sometimes nice to have a solid base camp to come back to after you spend a day out exploring new territory.

And yes, I am sort of preaching and promoting a little bit here. I managed one cabin in my last job, and have visited a number of other ones. It's a cool piece of history, and a great way to help preserve a resource. Check out Recreation.gov and Reserve America for lots of other cabin rental opportunities. You can also rent yurts at the Oregon State Parks (and likely others), as well as make campground reservations for many state parks and Forest Service campgrounds at these sites.

...fuck you, Macy's.

The backstory here is my post the other day about how I called Macy's and haggled with them for a comforter set that I really wanted. Good thing the whole thrill is in the haggle, because the end result didn't work out so successfully.

I've been waiting for the charge to hit my bank account, and it still hadn't as of this morning. I called Macy's today and asked for an update on my order. Turns out my order was cancelled. When I asked how it got cancelled, the CSR didn't know because there weren't any notes on the cancellation. She said she sent an e-mail to someone to try to find out more, and in the meantime, they'd send me the set for the same price they originally offered it to me.

I said, "No, at this point I think you've lost my business." I mean, seriously. I wait almost a week, nothing happens, I call them to find out what's going on, they don't know, and the best they can do is give me the same price I initially haggled them down to? I don't think so.

If Macy's was smart, they'd be reviewing those CSR calls and they'd get in touch with me to offer an additional discount, just to keep my business. However, that's really not how these things work, is it? And you see what a carpet trader I really am, deep down? I'll cut off my nose to spite my own face if I have to--take the same paltry deal I initially haggled for?! I think not.

As I said before, the thrill is in the victory. And I have to admit, there's a part of me that thinks that the CSR that I initially haggled and her supervisor killed the deal as soon as I got off the phone with them.

Last week, I was sitting in a chair on our patio enjoying the sunshine. I was looking around the backyard, which is in its usual post-winter disaster state (as opposed to the rest-of-the-year disaster state). I started making a list of all the projects we could do to get it looking the way I'd like it to. After I finished my list, I thought, "Well, I'd better get off my ass and do something here."

So I got up and finished grubbing all the sod out of an area I'd designated for a new flower bed. Then I installed the concrete border around it. Over the next couple of days, I added new shrubs and flowers and got the whole thing mulched.

Today I picked the next item on the list, and grubbed the sod out of an area in front of the patio. The grass hadn't fared well there after we added 2 feet in each direction to the patio because there was dirt and gravel all over it, resulting in a very patchy, lumpy yard. I picked up my pulaski and went to town on it. When Matt came home from the gym, he joined in and we cleared out 4 wheelbarrows full of sod and dirt clods to get it all down to bare earth. Unfortunately, the local nursery that stocks sod was sold out for the weekend, so the new sod has to wait until tomorrow. In lieu of that, I finished mulching my other new flower bed, which I had finished up planting last week.

And then I finished giving Grover his spring haircut, which Matt had started earlier in the day.

It might go without saying that I am utterly exhausted. It seems like I do this to myself every weekend: I totally veg out on Saturday because I'm bushed from working all week. On Sunday I feel guilty because I was such a slug, then I nearabout kill myself working like a rented mule to make up for it.

I really need to find a better balance here, because I will be completely whooped when I go in to work tomorrow and all my coworkers will laugh at me because I'm not joking when I say I go to work to get some rest.

Oh shit, I just remembered I need to make a cake tonight for the birthday of one of my coworkers tomorrow. See what I mean? Sheesh... How do you find balance? Or do you even try?

The house next door to us went up for sale very recently, and we were shocked at the asking price. It was cheaper than what we paid for our own house 5 years ago, and our house is a little smaller than that one. Turns out it is a "short sale," so the borrower owes more on the house than it is selling for.

Anyway, new neighbors have started moving in just the other day. Evidently, they are renting the place while it is in escrow. We were all excited because they look to be employed and they have a couple of kids, so they looked like good candidates for neighbors. I met the wife tonight while I was out working in the backyard--she hollered down from the upstairs window and then came out back to introduce herself and chat. She's around my age, seemed pretty cool, and within 5 minutes we were talking about our breasts. (She works at a film library for one of the local hospitals and she spends a lot of time working with mammogram films.) That's a woman thing right there, isn't it? Give us 15 minutes and we'll either end up talking about our periods or our boobs--it's the female equivalent of dogs sniffing each other's butts.

Anyway, she suddenly dropped a bomb on me. Guess what religion they are?

Jehovah's Witnesses.

I kept the smile on and didn't outwardly react, but my gut instinct was, "Oh, for fuck's sake." See, this makes things really complicated, at least in terms of the JW's situation. You see, I am what the JWs label an "apostate," or one who has left the religion and speaks out against it. They even symbolize the apostates as black widows. There is absolutely no redemption for an apostate, and to associate knowingly with one is putting yourself in some significant hot water with the disciplinary folks in the congregation. You wouldn't want to associate with one of us, because we are marketed as predators who are out to "turn away" those faithful JWs who never question their faith.

I guess that's somewhat accurate, though it's always seemed like a lot more energy than I was willing to put out. In the case of my family and those JWs I knew in the past, I just figure it's better to be respectful of their choice, and sincerely wish they'd give me the same respect. (It's never happened, but that's how wise, mature human beings should deal with such things.) I'd love to help people who are undecided about staying or leaving the JWs by helping them see some of the contradictions and the ways the religion is about mind control and profiteering. But that just seems like the epitome of the saying, "Never try to teach a pig to sing; you'll only waste your time and annoy the pig."

Anyway, back to the neighbor thing. I'm not entirely sure what to do about the whole thing. See, I'd like to just cruise along and be friendly and sociable with them. I don't see any reason to bring up religion with any of my neighbors, particularly ones I don't know well and know that we share similar opinions. However, JWs are pretty much compelled to talk religion a LOT. And if they start thinking we're nice people, they'll start talking religion. I can very easily say, "I don't want to talk about religion with you, thanks," and let it lay there. However...over the years we've had lots of the usual JW door-knocking around here, and me telling the folks that I'm not interested, that I'm a former JW and not about to come back, etc. didn't work. So one day I called their Kingdom Hall and left a message saying, "I have asked the Witnesses a number of times not to come back, and the message isn't being received. I am an apostate, and I will not return to your organization ever. Do not call again, or I will pursue trespassing charges against your organization." That ended that.

The Witnesses keep what are called "territory cards," that divide up an area into sections that they go door-knocking in. A person can check out a particular territory, and then they are responsible for ensuring that each door gets visited and a person contacted at each home within a certain period of time. If you encounter a "do not call," or a person who insists on the JWs not returning to their home, that information is documented on the territory card. So now I am certain that our house is on their territory card--in fact, I've seen Witnesses give our house a wide berth since my phone call.

For good or for bad, the new neighbors are bound to have someone say, "Oh, it looks like there's an apostate in your subdivision. What did you say the address of your own house is? Oh my gosh, they're right next door to you!" And then it is off to the races.

I don't know...once again I find myself wondering how the hell these things happen to me. Can't I just meander peacefully along and not bug anyone and not have anyone bug me? Or do I just completely overreact to stuff like this? Anyone have any thoughts?

I believe I come from a long line of fishwives. For starters, I swear like one, but I also haggle like one. I consider haggling to be the family craft, actually. My poor husband, the polite Irish Catholic, has learned to just step back and let me do my thing.

I demonstrated that yet again today. You see, there's this bedroom set I've had my eye on since seeing it in the store at Macy's. I oohed and ahhed, turned a blind eye to the Martha Stewart label, and then had my eyeballs bug out when I saw it was priced at $460 for the size we'd need. I've driven cars that didn't cost that much.

I walked away from it, then weeks later saw that it was featured in a Macy's One Day Sale flyer for the low, low price of $179.99. Unfortunately, I was in Denver at the time and couldn't see putting it on the airplane in our luggage--it's a lot of fabric. So I passed it up.

Days passed, weeks passed. I had some money saved up from recent per diem that I didn't use entirely, and today I went online and saw the set was marked at $250 with a 10% discount. That got it down to $225, but that still seemed a little high. (And before I go any further, I should mention that this set is a comforter, bed skirt, 2 sets of shams, a set of sheets and window treatments for 2 windows, so it's a BIG set.) I figured I didn't have anything to lose but time, so I called Macy's and asked the customer service rep if they'd give me the set for the One Day Sale price.

There was a pause and she said, "We don't really have any way we can do that." I said, "Well, would it be okay if you'd ask your supervisor if he or she has any suggestions as to how I can get the set for the price I want? I see it on E-bay for $185, but I would rather order it directly from you guys so I can feel secure in the purchase." So she put me on hold. All told, I spent 23 minutes on hold, but...I got the set for $179.99. The supervisor gave me a discretionary discount to $199, and then they just happened to have a $20 discount on any bedding purchase over $100. So very soon, I should have the comforter set of my dreams!

The moral of the story is that you can haggle damn near anywhere. It's just a question of how much your pride is worth, and obviously mine isn't worth that much. I'd also like to point out that it is pretty darned good customer service at Macy's to go ahead and give a deeper discount in order to keep the sale. I was pretty impressed!

I'm home. Finally home. After being gone nearly a week in Phoenix the beginning of March, then a week in Denver the end of March, and following that right up with the five days in Fort Worth last week, I'm ready to stay home for a while.

Once again, I found Fort Worth to be completely delightful, and it redeems the state for both El Paso and all of east Texas. I went to the Stockyards twice, got some good shopping in both there and downtown, and wandered all the heck over downtown while taking in the art festival. The city seems very safe to me; so much so that I walked all over the festival by myself one night.

One of the reasons Fort Worth is so appealing to me is that I have a really great tour guide: my friend Theresa lives in nearby Keller, and she is top notch at showing me all the good, iconic stuff. On my last day, we went to Joe T. Garcia's for Mexican food. (If you want to act all local, you just call it "Joe T's." And I love to act all local.) They have this beautiful, gigantic patio where you can sit to eat, and we sat, listened to the fountains, admired the fig trees and other plants, sipped our adult beverages, and seriously ogled the absolute cutest waiter-boy I have ever seen. I wanted to run off with him--he was that purty.

As Tea was taking me back to the hotel, we drove through part of the art festival crowd along Houston Street. And you might think I am making this up, but I swear I am not. A lady was sitting on the sidewalk with her dog standing next to her, but I noticed the dog was all misshapen on its back. I realized the shape was a cat on the dog's back--it was a grey cat, and there was a big white blob on its back...which ended up being a giant white rat! Tea about ran off the road as we jerked our necks around to verify what we'd seen.

That was the coup de grace for this Texas trip. I really think we need to travel down there as a family one of these days. I'm sick of having to pack all my tourism in around my work obligations.

(Also, if you go to Forth Worth, and want a steak, do NOT go to the Forth Worth Chophouse. The steaks are mediocre, the service is indifferent, and the price they charge you is the only spectacular part of the experience. And yes, I just wrote them to let them know--I hope I hear back from them.)

So I'm in Fort Worth at a conference right now. I love Fort Worth. I have two more nights to be here, and there are two things I haven't done yet: go down to Leddy's, a boot shop at the Stockyards, to see if they have a pair of boots Freya would like...and the second is to attend this really cool art show/street fair that is going on a few blocks from my hotel.

I'm here for a charity conference--I'm on a board of directors for my local workplace giving program, and we're learning all the rules and regs pertinent to that. I'm here with another lady who works for my board in doing all the day-to-day operations of the program. She's very nice. She's also extremely driven to do a great job for the program, which is great. For the program.

However, she just committed me to going to dinner with her equivalent person from another program who is...well, a bit of a drip from what I can tell. I do not want to go. I know it is the right thing to do for the program and for the board, and that should be my first responsibility. And it is, and I will go.

But, dammit. I want to go have fun instead. Waaaaah!

As some of you may have guessed, we were away for spring break. We went to Denver this past week to stay with my brother Jason, and visit Matt's sister and her husband. Another of Matt's sisters and her family came out from Wisconsin to hang out as well.

We spent our week hanging out, eating, shopping, and going to the Denver Zoo. In that order. And I'm gonna tell you what: I got some serious bargains at end-of-season sales. My first major score was a North Face Nuptse down jacket for $31. So...like...85% off. There was some other, random shopping in there, and then my greatest score was on the last day of our trip. We hit the Kenneth Cole outlet, and I got 2 pairs of boots. They were originally priced $200 per pair, and I got them for $14 per pair. That's pretty freakin' amazing, my friends.

Also, I've started using a flat iron to style my hair in a sort of Farah Fawcett flip style. I'm pretty sure my coworkers will not know me tomorrow when I walk in to the office in my knee-high boots and Charlie's Angels hairdo.

However, they're going to have to get used to it in a hurry, since I'm off to a conference in Forth Worth on Tuesday. I'm such the jet-setter these days!